Breaking Brown

December 5, 2011

all the single ladies

Up at Black Like Moi, the question being asked is if a woman can choose to abort a child, can a man choose not to pay? Or to put it more aptly, if it’s the woman’s choice, is it the mans responsibility? I’m sorry ladies, but this warrants a good airing out:


I’ve always believed that this is the main reason that some men feel no responsibility toward their kids. In their minds, the woman chose – on her own, usually without or against his input – to have the child so she bears the sole responsibility of caring for it. My friend Anthony (a.k.a. black yoda) was the first to draw my attention to this in a meaningful way with his comments on my post  “rethinking deadbeat dads”. What if a woman was forced to carry a child to term against her will, what kind of mother would she be? Point being, anytime one parent is forced into that role against their will, problems ensue. It’s a breeding ground for resentment.

Yes it takes two people to get pregnant, but it is the woman’s choice to remain that way. This isn’t politically correct, I know, but it is an underlying cause for child abandonment. And although it is true that where child support is concerned, courts exist to protect the rights of the child, one has to ask; where are the rights of men in all of this? It’s the woman’s right to choose to carry the child to term, the child’s right to full protection under the law, and the father’s right to – pay. In this scenario, the only person bearing all responsibility while simultaneously having zero rights is the father. That can’t be fair.

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7 thoughts on “all the single ladies

  1. dave says:

    Damn, can’t believe I’m seeing this in print!
    I used to describe a cartoon I wanted to see one day–the drawing is an outdoor festival, sort of like a Lilith Fair. There are two information booths. One booth is labelled, “Women’s Reproductive Rights.” There are women milling around, leaflets being handed out. Next to it is a booth labelled, “Men’s Reproductive Rights.” It’s abandoned. The sign’s hanging off one nail. There’s nobody there. No leaflets. No line. No nothing. Maybe a tumbleweed blowing by.

    Men have been systematically disenfranchised by feminism and the court system forever, and yet the world is amazed when men fight back by disappearing, checking out, and removing themselves from any further involvement.

    It’s the tip of the iceberg as far as institutionalized misandry, but it’s nice to see it.

  2. Yvette says:

    I think the imagery is fitting, Dave. And the issue of fairness must be answered and negotiated.

    Over at my personal Facebook page, someone expressed the need for a 70 /30 split. It was based upon the fact that a woman goes from having 100% of the reproductive rights to only 50% of the financial responsibility. This, of course, wouldn’t apply to couples who had mutually agreed to start a family.

    1. dave says:

      Hey I like the idea of humanizing the “dead beats.” We’re so used to men’s needs not even making it to the bargaining table that it actually sounds a little radical, though of course nobody would bat an eye if proportional compensation was part of a real estate transaction or a business deal. It would certainly cause a backlash. Mainly, by balancing the scales a little more equably, it would help to put the onus on women to really think things through r.e. the realities of raising a kid as a single person. At the same time, it would temper some of the resentment men feel at having financial responsibility without privilege. On a level possibly even more important than finances, it would be hugely symbolic and groundbreaking. It might help men come out of hiding and join society.

      1. Yvette says:

        I try to humanize EVERYONE. It’s very easy to think of deadbeats, prisoners, and even dead bodies in the abstract, but that’s a falsity. We’re all impacted.

        And yes, people tend to recoil at the idea of being forced. Obedience doesn’t come naturally to human beings. This is why, I believe, some men avoid paying child support. They’re taking power where they can.

  3. Collin Kober says:

    Very interesting topic, appreciate it for posting.

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