Heartbreaking. But I’m less interested in bashing her sperm donor as I am in understanding his emotional hollowness. Professional pontificators usually pin male abandonment on emotional immaturity, then proceed to bash the “deadbeat” for neglecting his duty as a husband and father because, intertwined in a girl’s pain is, of course, a mother’s pain. In many instances, the mother also considers herself abandoned and when the toxic brew of unrequited love – no wedding, honeymoon, or traditional home life – meets doing double duty as mother and father, a perfect storm commences.
A person close to me once told me that a man loves his children through the mother. If he’s in love with the mother, or at minimum, has a reasonably good relationship with her, then he’s a stand up dad to the kid. If not, all bets are off. Again, another oversimplification, but I wouldn’t write it off as a factor. The girl in this video breaks down as she describes how her biological depositor cares for his girlfriend’s kids but not her. What is the tie that binds this guy to kids with whom he has no genes in common, but not his own flesh and blood?
The fact that men who’ve abandoned their own children take on the children of others flies in the face of the popular narrative that absent fathers are just shirking responsibility. They’re not, at least not all of them. And for the record, I never bought into this blanket explanation for the same reason that I never bought into the Right wing charge that welfare queens were living the high life, eating Cheetos and drinking malt liquor, on the taxpayer’s dime. Anyone without a job, ambition, resources, or an ecosystem that sustains her is not living anybody’s high life. More likely, she’s resigned herself to a plight which she feels is inevitable.
So what am I missing here? What is the inevitable factor that makes a dude say, “yeah, fuck these kids over here, Imma go try my hand elsewhere”..?